he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
