Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
