how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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