things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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