Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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