totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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