So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
