I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
