if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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