The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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