I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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