The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
