Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I want to fling myself into the sun
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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