I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
