I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
