How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
no. you can't hotbox the world.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
