I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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