So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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