while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
