Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
