Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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