yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
