found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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