I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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