I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
