o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
