i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
