like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
