I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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