I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
