You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
