I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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