the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
