You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
