Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize