He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
