Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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