your thong is hanging out like whoa
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
