at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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