Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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