i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
