You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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