I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How does one acquire holy water?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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