Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
