we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i barfeds in our rink
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
