..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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