Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
