...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
