Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
