Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
