plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my shit smells like andre
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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