OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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