By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
