You really coming over, don't trick.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
