he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Holy sore nipples Batman
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
