I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
