i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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