First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
