That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
