So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
