he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
