Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dick very happy bro
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
