Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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