she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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