Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
