Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
