I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just invented taco cereal.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
