Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
